Well Melissa at least the person who murdered you did one thing for you, you never had to re-live even one anniversary of your baby boy's death. 

But, we have to go through the day and remember the phone calls, the plane trips, the funeral and the tears - but then we realize the next anniversary is your murder.

I love you and miss you and I would give anything if you and your baby sunshine were coming over for dinner tomorrow instead of the way it is.

Mariah is doing great.  She loves school and is learning how to count, but as you watch over her, you can see how funny she is when she gets to the end of what ever she is counting.

Her new teacher's name is Melissa and she has grown very attached to her.  She stays by her side as much as possible, I think in some way she feels that she is close to her mommy when she is next to her teacher.

We will get through tomorrow, I am sure there will be some tears, but there will also be some happy memories, like when he "SHOT" The carrot at grandpa!!!!  Also, how he was told he could get a cookie and he thought that was the same as one cookie of each kind at the buffet.

His picture is hanging in the living room, right next to you and Big Eric's picture and of course Mariah and Tylie.

I love you baby girl and someday I will see justice and the pain will still be there, but the facts will be known to everyone and the person who did this will know that I am not as dumb at they want to think.  I KNOW WHO MURDERED YOU, that is because the story has changed too much and too many things have been said that just doesn't make sense.

Love you, come see me in my dreams and talk to me like you have before. 

When you visited your brother and me the same night and we had the same dream and you told us how and who murdered you, it was confirmed by someone else, a relative of the murderer, so see we get your messages loud and clear.

Love You,

Mom

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I know you are spending today with your precious baby boy, but I sure wish you were here to be with you baby girl.  I also wish we were not spending one more Mother's Day with your murderer out on the streets and going on with his life.  It seems he is having a wonderful life and obviously has forgotten his murdered family alltogether.  But that is o.k., someday the police will show up and the murderer will be in prison for a long time and then Mariah will know the dirty little details of her mommy's murder.  Until then she is just loved way more than a lot of kids, she is happy, funny, loves people and animals, talks all the time, her teachers are so impressed about how much she knows at her young age, enjoys playing with her friends, outgrows her clothes faster than I can buy them.

She had a blast in Alabama and enjoyed seeing all of family.  She got to meet her great aunts and other grandma.  She got to see all of her mommy's friends that she grew up with.  They all said she looks and acts just like Melissa!!

We had a wonderful trip and arriving back in Arizona took all of the fun out.  Now all we see is brown, not green grass once again.

But we don't want to move back to Alabama, too humid and it takes so much out of you when the humidity is that high.  However, Mariah and KeShawn did not notice it as they were running around with the other kids, the dogs and eating!!!!

I love you Melissa and I wish I could call you and say Happy Mother's Day today, but your murderer took that away from me on 4-15-06 and I will never be able to say it in person to you again, only at your grave, in my thoughts and in my heart.

Love You

Mom

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(MEMORIES OF YOU)
THE ANGELS LED YOU SAFELY HOME
BUT YOU LEFT SOME THINGS BEHIND
TREASURED GIFTS BEYOND COMPARE THOSE OF A SPECIAL KIND
YOU LEFT BEHIND YOUR GIFT OF LOVE, YOU GAVE SO FAITHFULLY
YOU LEFT BEHIND THE ONES YOU LOVED,
MANY CHERISHED MEMORIES
AND FROM EARLY DAWN TO SETTING SUN,
EACH DAY MY WHOLE LIFE THROUGH,
MY HEART WILL HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE FOR
MEMORIES OF YOU.

BEAUTIFUL MELISSA, FOREVER HOLDING YOU AND YOUR LOVING FAMILY WARMLY IN MY HEART.

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PRECIOUS ANGEL MELISSA,

SENDING LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU AND ALL WHO LOVE AND MISS YOU.

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I was with people all day today that wanted to know the status of your murder.  So many good people want to see this matter settled.  So many people ask about your baby girl and want to know she is well taken care of.  Rest in peace Melissa, Mariah is well taken care of.  Tom and I buy her everything she needs.  Keep in mind no one other than your own family has bought her anything since the day you were murdered.  Except for a few Christmas presents the first year after your murder (2006), of course Chritmas 2007, she got more than she needed.  Amber, Ray, KeShawn, Thomas, Me and Tom, CASA, Angel Tree for children who's parents are in prison, can you imagine, they gave your baby girl a present for that, no one gave her something because you were murdered!

But she got so much that we gave some back, you know me, I do not believe a person should take more than they need.  You knew we were not going to let her not have a wonderful Christmas.

I went to your grave yesterday.  I put flowers for you and Little Eric and told you both how much I love you.  But Melissa I told you how much I wanted to hear you laugh, see your smile, deal with your attitude and just love you.  But as you know I can't and sometimes, I just forget.  It is easier to deal with your murder sometimes, if I can act like I might see you soon.

I stand at your grave and cry, I wish I could go back to the day I planned your funeral.  You would not have been put in the ground, you would have been cremated the way we always talked about.  I know now that there is a reason you are in that grave.  I think it is because we may have to bring you up again to solve your murder.  So remember, we have talked in my dreams and you know.

I love you, I miss you, I will take care of your baby and I will tell her everyday how much you love her and how much you wanted to be here to raise her to be the beautiful woman she will be someday.

Look down on her and kiss her in her dreams. 

Do you like her haircut?  At least it doesn't look like she forgot some of her hair everyday!!!

Come see me in my dreams.  I miss you and I want to see your face and hug you.  I will watch for you each night.

Kiss your dad and Max for me.  Give my grandson a hug and tell him I remember the last time I was with him and he shot a carrot at Grandpa.  Ask him if he remembers how hard he laughted when he hit grandpa. 

I also remember Debbie giving him a cookie and him smiling so big and getting the chocolate all over him.

I wish we could all go back to that night, Wednesday before he drowned on Sunday.  We would all probably do it a lot different.  I know I would have stayed in Albuquerque and took all of you to the zoo on Saturday.

But, of course I would have had you spend the night at my house on April 14, 2006 also, if only we could go back in time and still know what had happened.  We could change so much.

I remember you tears and your smiles.  I remember your love for all of your friends and yet all of those friends have forgotten you and let your murderer walk the streets. 

I guess we will just have to leave it up to you to solve your own murder.

Lead us in the right direction, guide our steps, we will watch and listen closely to your instructions.

Again, I love you.  After your dad died and then Max died, I did not think a bigger hole could be in me.  But the hole you left in my life is so large nothing can touch it.

Not even your baby girl.  She loves so freely, wanting nothing in return.  I remember you being like that.  Sometimes she looks just like you - I just look at her and know that is when you are with her and it shows through her.

Keep your baby boy close to you until we all see you again.  I won't let your memory be forgotten. 

I love you

Mom

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