Missing you / MOM (MOTHER)
I was with people all day today that wanted to know the status of your murder. So many good people want to see this matter settled. So many people ask about your baby girl and want to know she is well taken care of. Rest in peace Melissa, Mariah is well taken care of. Tom and I buy her everything she needs. Keep in mind no one other than your own family has bought her anything since the day you were murdered. Except for a few Christmas presents the first year after your murder (2006), of course Chritmas 2007, she got more than she needed. Amber, Ray, KeShawn, Thomas, Me and Tom, CASA, Angel Tree for children who's parents are in prison, can you imagine, they gave your baby girl a present for that, no one gave her something because you were murdered!
But she got so much that we gave some back, you know me, I do not believe a person should take more than they need. You knew we were not going to let her not have a wonderful Christmas.
I went to your grave yesterday. I put flowers for you and Little Eric and told you both how much I love you. But Melissa I told you how much I wanted to hear you laugh, see your smile, deal with your attitude and just love you. But as you know I can't and sometimes, I just forget. It is easier to deal with your murder sometimes, if I can act like I might see you soon.
I stand at your grave and cry, I wish I could go back to the day I planned your funeral. You would not have been put in the ground, you would have been cremated the way we always talked about. I know now that there is a reason you are in that grave. I think it is because we may have to bring you up again to solve your murder. So remember, we have talked in my dreams and you know.
I love you, I miss you, I will take care of your baby and I will tell her everyday how much you love her and how much you wanted to be here to raise her to be the beautiful woman she will be someday.
Look down on her and kiss her in her dreams.
Do you like her haircut? At least it doesn't look like she forgot some of her hair everyday!!!
Come see me in my dreams. I miss you and I want to see your face and hug you. I will watch for you each night.
Kiss your dad and Max for me. Give my grandson a hug and tell him I remember the last time I was with him and he shot a carrot at Grandpa. Ask him if he remembers how hard he laughted when he hit grandpa.
I also remember Debbie giving him a cookie and him smiling so big and getting the chocolate all over him.
I wish we could all go back to that night, Wednesday before he drowned on Sunday. We would all probably do it a lot different. I know I would have stayed in Albuquerque and took all of you to the zoo on Saturday.
But, of course I would have had you spend the night at my house on April 14, 2006 also, if only we could go back in time and still know what had happened. We could change so much.
I remember you tears and your smiles. I remember your love for all of your friends and yet all of those friends have forgotten you and let your murderer walk the streets.
I guess we will just have to leave it up to you to solve your own murder.
Lead us in the right direction, guide our steps, we will watch and listen closely to your instructions.
Again, I love you. After your dad died and then Max died, I did not think a bigger hole could be in me. But the hole you left in my life is so large nothing can touch it.
Not even your baby girl. She loves so freely, wanting nothing in return. I remember you being like that. Sometimes she looks just like you - I just look at her and know that is when you are with her and it shows through her.
Keep your baby boy close to you until we all see you again. I won't let your memory be forgotten.
I love you
Mom
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